I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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