also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
