i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
