worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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