dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
