its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Where are you guys?
Drunk
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
