honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
