Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
