there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
