So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
