Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
