I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
