bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
