she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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