Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
