OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize