I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
