Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
