im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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