I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
