i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize