Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
