I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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