He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
