last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize