Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
