I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
