i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You ate ashes out of my bong
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
