I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
