Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
