bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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