New invention idea: vibrating tampons
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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