my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
