I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
