I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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