Quick, to the slutcave!
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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