do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
