a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize