Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
NoShamevember. You game?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
