I cannot find my penis.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize