seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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