They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Couch. On fire.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
