she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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