the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
