Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
