at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You need a sexual gate keeper
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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