You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
