Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
