By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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