i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
