I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I love having hate sex.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
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