Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Shame - the story of my life.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
