wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We talked him into tasing himself.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize