i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Someone shattered a urinal.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize