How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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