I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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