so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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