Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
