my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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