He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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