dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
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