I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
She's JV to your varsity
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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