so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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