saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
