Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
