STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Randomize
