The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
