Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize