I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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