guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Semen is not good for contacts.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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