How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Randomize
