you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
