i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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