Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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