Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize