So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
