Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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