and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize
