I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
