whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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