Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
id be glad to
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
