if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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