I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
we should paint friendship bongs
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