Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
