Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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