Cold hands, warm shart.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
