you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
