I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
