i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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