Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
