I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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