smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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