i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
