I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
