i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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