i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
