THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize