walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
stop calling my apartment porn island.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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