goodnight i made you a song goodbye
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
