just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Randomize
